I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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