i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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