I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
