I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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