under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
