i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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