hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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