She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
