So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
