I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
