btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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