Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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