Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
