guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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