Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
