On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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