As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
