After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I forgot how hot balto sounded
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
