Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
