Duck Duck Cougar?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
