dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
