You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
