Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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