maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
