What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
