Porn is love you can see.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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