guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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