oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
