What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Randomize
