So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
