I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
