his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
