I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We need a shit load of segways right now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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