i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
