Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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