here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
