let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
