i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
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