his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
