You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
