I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
