Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
