Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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