Someone shit on the floor
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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