just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
