Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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