how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
