So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
How external is "for external use only"?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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