There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
