Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
