Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
