i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
