I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
