I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Did you pee in the oven last night??
soo... how was my night?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
