matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
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