We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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